i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
