Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
