Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
