Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
