I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
