Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize