im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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