her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Randomize
