guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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