Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
