I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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