Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
