You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
