I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
