my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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