so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
