I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
