I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
