I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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