final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
