FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
