I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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