I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
