David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
