I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
