No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize