My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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