just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how drunk are you?
Several
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
