it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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