Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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