if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
