I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
