another moral hangover. fuck.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
