I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
