i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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