don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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