im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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