I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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