I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize