I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So much rum. So many feels.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
