I need help removing her.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
