There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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