Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize