I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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