I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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