I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
