Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
