I wish I could punch you in the face.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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