I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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