I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
