Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
