i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You pole danced in your parka.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
