Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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