I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
