seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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