i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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