Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
