First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
