i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
