VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
