I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
