your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish there were birth control emojis
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
