I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize