Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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