I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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