so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
