i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize