I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
