Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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