you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
