Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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