I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
