Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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