It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
