I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
