if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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