i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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