i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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