On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
