you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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