I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
