theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
