Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize