it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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