drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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