Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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