I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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