i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
