it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
