I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize