This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
