he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
