I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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