Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
